Drag Race for Dummies: Season 9 Pageant Extravaganza

DRAG
RACE
IS
BAAAAAACK!

And on VH1 now??? Who said changes were good??? Not me!!! But regardless of the fact that transphobic Wendy Williams is now hosting viewing parties or that all the commercials are now boring and not gay, Season 9 of RPDR is here! Fucking finally! It’s funny how we literally get 2 seasons of Drag Race in a year, with All Stars 2 during the fall, but still it feels like an eternity since I’ve seen Mamma Ru.

What We Missed
So, per usual, I was supposed to give y’all a run-down of the queens to compete this season before the premiere, but then I spontaneously went on a trip to New York the day before the premiere aired and left my computer charger back in LA. Oops. What can a girl do?

One of 4 New York queens this season, Aja serves up some Lady Liberty realness.

Despite this, we’re not too far behind as of now, as Mamma Ru announced in the workroom that no queens would be eliminated during Episode 1, and that the challenge would be Pageant-based, requiring the 13 queens to werk the runway featuring two looks, one inspired by their home, the other inspired by LADY FUCKING GAGA who made her entrance as the last “queen” to enter the workroom (I see u VH1 funding…I see u…). The queens gagged over gaga, then got to work on their looks, and soon it was time for the runway to determine the winner of the Miss Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent Pageant!

Tops & Bottoms
TOPS: Sasha Velour, Eureka O’Hara, Nina Bo’Nina Brown (Winner)
Sasha Velour

Sasha Velour WOW’d the judges with her Applause-inspired runway.

Eureka O’Hara

Eureka, a pageant queen and huge Gaga fan, served up some Telephone realness. She had some past beef with Trinity Taylor, another pageant queen on the season, so being placed in the Top above her gave her the RuDemption she needed.

Nina Bo’nina Brown

The **WINNER** of Miss Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent servin’ up some Georgia Peach realness to rep her hometown! Like, do you fucking see this???? She made this shit out of liquid latex, paper, and fucking playdoh??? I’m dead.

BOTTOMS: NOBODY because apparently VH1 picked up RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, not RuPaul’s Drag Race. Episode 2 I’m looking out for you.

MY Tops
Nina Bo-Nina Brown

Valentina

Hailing from Echo Park (Northeast LA holla!!), Valentina’s hometown look repped Mariachi Plaza, and her Gaga look fucking slayed me. Despite her highly tailored and professional aesthetic, Valentina’s only been doing drag for 9 months, so she’ll definitely be a queen to watch out for later in the season. She’s just…so…gorgeous. I’m weeping.

Shea Couleé

Yasss come through poppyseed bun! Maybe I was hungry while watching the runway, but honestly Shea Couleé’s hometown look, inspired by the Windy City of Chicago had me living. Shea’s a fairly prominent name in the Drag world, and is known for handcrafting all of her looks, including this lil number right here.

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE
Right after crowning Nina for her sickening Georgia Peach illusion and gorgeous Alexander McQueen-inspired red lace Gaga look, Ru announced that there would be a FOURTEENTH QUEEN joining the girls for a shot at RuDemption *gay gasp* According to the Drag Race Reddit, it’s gonna be Cynthia Lee Fontaine, a queen who competed on Season 8, left fairly early-on in the competition due to some….questionable fashion #choices, and then found out she had liver cancer. But she’s cancer free, and potentially coming back to the Race!

Tune in to VH1, Friday March 31st at 8/7 Central to find out!

Liana Kindler

Liana Kindler is a 4th year psychobio major who’s spent more time watching trashy RPDR behind-the-scenes extra videos than she’s ever spent studying for class, except for that one LGBTS class that was literally about drag race (shout out to Professor Williford). She spends her time primarily scrolling deep in the RPDR subreddit during the hours that most people are asleep, and sleeping during the hours most people are awake.