OutWrite EXCLUSIVE: Death Imminent, Nothing Matters
Everyone currently alive will die someday and their memory will eventually be forgotten, OutWrite has learned.
Every member of the human race will inevitably cease existing at some point and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. Whether it results from a biblical rapture, a tweet-induced Trumpian nuclear holocaust, Earth’s collapse into a black hole, or a glitch in our alien-computer-generated reality which everyone is doomed to suffer. Furthermore, any feeling of permanence or importance in the big picture of reality is merely the result of the misguided and self-aggrandizing naivety of humanity.
It is likely that this phenomenon, sometimes referred to as “oblivion“, has already happened to billions of unknown people in the past, according to experts in the study of sorrow.
“We don’t know exactly what the future holds,” says one source who spoke on the condition of anonymity as not to make public that he is named Bob and he lives in Chicago, “but it doesn’t matter whatsoever, as ultimately the universe will collapse and all past events, even the biggest achievements of humankind, will be erased from time and space itself.”
“In the grand scheme of things, none of it makes any difference: love is fleeting, fame is temporary, and life, as we know it, is a speck of dust in the hellish, inescapable vacuum that is reality,” said the source who spoke anonymously so as not to reveal that he is Bob Decker, 42, divorced, who lives in apartment 6B at 3891 W 65th Ave, Chicago, Illinois, 60629, who made $17,581 last year as a self-employed magician, whose social security number is 325-98-4799, and who is an organ donor with blood type B+.
It has been discovered by researchers in the field of death and decay that all matter, be it a human body or a styrofoam cup, is a temporary mold of atoms destined to fall apart and never reform. Despite scientists’ best efforts, this process remains unstoppable.
Similarly, all energy which flows to create the natural processes humans take for granted will eventually enter an indefinite state of rest, commencing the heat death of the universe in which the concept of life itself will become unfathomable.
Sources advise living every moment to the fullest, as any given event will never happen again, and therefore none of it matters in the slightest.
Walker is a second year Political Science major who, regrettably, was born and raised in Florida. When he’s not rocking back and forth in the corner incoherently mumbling something about the Trump regime, he enjoys coffee, naps, and the Internet™. His hobbies include morning jogs, bible study, and lying. Most importantly, Walker is very, very, very gay.
Established in 1979 at the University of California, Los Angeles, OutWrite Newsmagazine is the oldest queer college publication in the United States. OutWrite strives to build a growing educational platform through a multi-media approach that uplifts and empowers the often silenced voices of the incredibly diverse queer community. We aim to challenge dominant cisheteronormative narratives through an unapologetically anti-queerphobic, anti-racist, and progressive lens.