Graphic by Kit P
I want to act like I’m not affected but I am
I am affected not by the horrendous shouts of hell
but of the wonderful future within arm’s reach
Of the rainbow skies I can see from across my house,
rudely taken away like a chair kicked underneath me
In these moments of insanity, I revert to numbness
To the small hours when I was a child,
a blubbering infant, back in the arms of grey
my fists balled in erratic confusion,
and my eyes seeking and seeking but never finding
Never finding truth in my life here
Always having to be content with the hush that washes over a sea of pauses,
then of the eventual hesitancy before I say what I truly want to say
My escape is in my mind,
in the smiling faces across television screens that I cannot recreate
I imagine their feelings as mine:
Eyes shut, face tilted upwards to the sky as tears run down as if savoring rain from a drought
the prolonged gasp of a “hallelujah”
the turn, the deep gazes as they face the ones they love
Then…then…
Then me.
Back in my room
I sit silently
and watch happiness happen 14436 kilometers away