Rambo and Theodore are two bunnies. Rambo is a small, white, rambunctious bunny with thick black eyeliner around his eyes and a face so sweet and innocent it more than masks the scheming con artist beneath. Theodore is a chubby, cuddly, and adorably slow gray bunny with a lot of love, but not much energy to match. They are ‘making it work’ in a 2×4 foot enclosure in a drafty corner of a college apartment, with only shards of alfalfa and some stale pellets to eat, and a very full litter box, but love conquers all….
The following is a transcript from their Craigslist postings under the ‘Missed Connections’ section representing the progression of their passionate love affair.
Scared furball in pink carrier–submitted 2/13/12 by Theodorable
I caught a glimpse of your tiny sniffling nose peeking through the steel bars of the pink carrier swinging in the shelter volunteer’s hand. You looked very afraid, and I was floored by your wide, gray eyes.
Need a friend–submitted 2/13/12 by RAMbo69
I am a very outgoing bunny with a lot of personality, so I was looking forward to having a new roommate. When I saw you from my carrier, and knew we’d be living together, I was determined to be fierce, but I hope you knew I secretly wanted to be your friend.
Cuddling or shitting?–submitted 2/14/12 by Theodorable
We both ran toward the food bowl and may have bumped noses while eating, but I figured you were just hungry. Then, when I was sitting in the litter box, you scooted up next to me and our bodies felt so close. Maybe I’m reading into things since it’s valentines day, but I’m hoping you were coming onto me
I want you–submitted 2/14/12 by RAMbo69
I am not shy anymore. You might be mistaking my sitting near you while eating or using the litter box as friendly roommate behavior, but it is most definitely not. I want to jump on you and grip your ears with my tiny paws, rubbing my fur against you and watching your eyes roll back. Happy valentines day, roomie 😉
Too scared to admit–submitted 2/15/12 by Theodorable
We’ve lived together three incredible days now, and I’m certain it’s love, yet I’m too scared to ask. When I heard the door open, you ran and ducked next to me, and I felt my heart flutter as I defensively placed my head over yours. I would give you every carrot in the world…I don’t know how to tell you my feelings, but I hope it’s not just in my head
let’s fuck–submitted 2/15/12 by RAMbo69
I’m going fucking crazy. Today I heard the door open, and seized my chance to dive headfirst into your fur. But please, do you really think I was trying to hide? I wanted to blow you, plain and simple. Next time, don’t make me beg.
Cuddle buddy…?–submitted 2/17/12 by Theodorable
I know it isn’t just in my head, we definitely cuddled today. I was staring out through the bars of our pen and you scampered right up and began nuzzling my head. I hope you are single, because I am getting up the courage to ask you to be my boyfriend.
feeling selfish–submitted 2/18/12 by RAMbo69
It has been 5 fucking days since I moved in and I still haven’t gotten laid. I have tried the ‘cold shoulder’, as well as the extreme of cuddling, and nothing’s fucking working. I’m not waiting around forever, these nights grooming one another and nuzzling each other’s fur better be leading to some crazy sex or I’m gonna move on, because bunnies like me don’t wait around forever…
BEST DAY OF MY LIFE–submitted 2/19/12 by Theodorable
Today was our first day being fed carrots. Once the small orange nub cut off my human’s dinner was tossed into our small cage, I knew it was my chance. I mustered up my strength, fluffed up my fur, and pushed my carrot chunk toward your mouth, and looked into your eyes with an expression I hoped would convey my deepest desires. And when your tiny white teeth sunk into my cliche but well-intended gift, I felt my heart melt.
sighhh…–submitted 2/19/12 by RAMbo69
As much as it sucks to admit, I am stuck in this cage with only *one* option for my potential fuck bunny. My sexual frustration has been skyrocketing, and wrapping my mouth around that thick, juicy carrot you nudged my way was the final straw, and I’ve decided to give it a shot. I just hope you’re ready when it comes to the real thing 😉
harder, please–submitted 2/20/12 by TheoDO-ME
holy fuck, that was the best night of my life!! The feeling of your claws pinning me against the ground, my face against the cold porcelain food bowl, your fur rubbing up against my fluffy tail, and the intoxicating sensation of you having your way with me. I can’t believe I was a lovesick virgin for so long–I am N.E.V.E.R going back there again. All I want is to live up to the stereotype with you, fucking like bunnies all day and all night until we collapse in a heap, limp, satisfied, and hoppy 😉