Illustrated by Cole Lopez (They/Them)
Called me by my name for the first time
Today
My name
Given as a long-awaited gift
Murmured under held breath
A breath exhaled
After decades of holding
something sacred to a silent heart
frightening for what it held
Terrifying
Pandora’s box would reveal everything
white doves
Released by praying hands opened wide
My name
Mine
Not that name
shoved in my throat
Goose fed by force
Slender white hands
Making me swallow
And down and down and down
For the savory delight of others
That name
Glued to my tongue
Stuck on the roof of my mouth
Lisped and stuttered and spit
Hitting the ground expelled
Cheeks red hot
Tied to me like the girl strapped to my back
Sewn to my chest
Proud peacock feathers spreading
budding
Glowing with a pride
That was never shared
From the moment of birth
Tied to me
Tied me
Pink-bows-shoved-in-my-mouth cries muffled
Tied around my throat
Choking this body
Breath denied
Purple and blue on lips
First cries swallowed by tubes and panic
Voiceless
Even in pain
Unzip me from this body so I can breathe for a moment
Please
Screams muffled by cloth
Draped over mouth
And water spilling over
All gold and glory and color
Replacing my body with something
Anything
To make a puzzle piece
That fits them comfortable
mashedmoldedshoved
Small space taken
Long flowing hair
girlgirlgirl
These breasts loved
Because I needed them to breathe
To be alive and loved and seen and
Made to an enemy
My friend
myself
Because I did not know how to ask
Not forgiveness
But a name
The name of my heart and soul and body
mine
Which she spoke for the first time today
The binding cracked
to let me breathe my name
mine
from her tongue
Credits:
Author: Cole Lopez (They/Them)
Artist: Cole Lopez (They/Them)
Copy Editor: Emma Blakely (They/She/He)