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A Night I (Surprisingly?) Remembered

Every time you party with the queers you forget half of it and the other half gets real gay.

This night was tamer than the last time; all I remember then was ending up at Fat Sal’s at three in the morning, making out with a girl, while inebriated sorority girls with fries in their mouths cheered us on…#shetastedlikeonionrings

It all began with word of mouth that a queer gathering of the drinky type was occurring. A group of us on OutWrite had coordinated to meet up to pre-game. As expected, there was yelling and handles of vodka being passed around. “YOU’RE SOBER AND THAT’S A PROBLEM,” yells out a friend who quickly passes me a red solo cup.

I worked my way over to the table and I shakily eyeballed vodka into my cup. I’ve dreamt of being a bartender but my ability to actually be some sort of talent in this field is non-existent. I was ecstatic that the vodka wasn’t eight-dollar Prestige. God, I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking of the “stige.”  #vom


I ended up back at the table where the drinks were. A few girls were taking shots; after taking one, Molly, this gorgeous blonde, had this disgusting look. You know when a shot just doesn’t go down well? “I need just pure juice!” she screamed. Sarah, a lanky/adorable brunette then shoved her red cup into her face and yelled, “this TASTES like juice.” Meanwhile, super cool and casual Carter is on top of a chair, DJ-ing from her iPhone, all the while trying to not spill her shot. #college.

Finally, we made our tipsy way over to the actual party while “on their way to blacking out” greek kids stared at us. I mean, we were just 20+ queer kids pouring out of an apartment trying to not be loud. #loudandproud

Pushing my way through a bunch of kids on top of each other in a dark and loud apartment was the most courageous thing I’ve done. The bass of the music was booming and brought a surrealist vibe that also came from some fluorescent lights; they dimly lit the stairs just enough for the kids who needed to break the seal. Sweaty, drunk, and high college kids grinding their crotches with other people’s crotches? AND making your way through? It’s basically like what one kid at the party said:  “His butt is touching my butt!” I was passed a cup of god knows what…all I know was that it was red and it tasted like Hawaiian punch mixed with toilet water. #hotandbothered

Ended up outside in the yard with a bunch of kids smoking, chatting about how good their weed was, and making out. You know you’re in the company of queers when everyone looks hipster and all the girls had septum piercings, colored hair, a shaved head, or all of the above. Two boys who looked like they were in high school were eating each other’s faces off and I just stood there awkwardly in front of them feeling like an intrusive rude bitch. #babygays


Everyone seemed to know someone and sounded surprisingly intelligent despite being shit-faced and high. From talking about drugs and tattoos to classes and how people knew each other, the atmosphere felt like an upscale house party in Hollywood; people from all walks of life were congregating in this tiny yard. Even if you didn’t know people, all you did the entire night was repeat the lines “Hi! My name is …. “ and people weren’t tired of meeting new friends either. The wind and air was cold but the laughters of finding some familiarity warmed everyone up. But really what kept most of the queer women warm was the leather jackets that they were sporting while the boys just moved in a little closer. #friendlyneighborhoodqueers

After elbowing my way through the crowd, bartenders were just dumping straight water into the tub of drink they were selling. That ruined it for me, WATER?! H2O and whatever chemical compound vodka is, DON’T MATCH. Just because they’re both clear doesn’t mean they’re friends. #gross

I decided to leave this party in lieu of another one our friend was throwing, but as I walked out I ate total shit on the stairs and made myself look like a drunk ass despite being pretty sober. Two seconds later though another boy in a pair of super tight skinny jeans and a pocket tee did the same thing and it gave my self-esteem a mini boost. #IsThatMean?

We rolled up to this other party but their discourteous neighbors had called the cops and got the party thrown out for the “loud” music and “underage” drinking. WHO DO THESE NEIGHBORS THINK THEY ARE?! THIS IS COLLEGE GODDAMMIT AND A FRIDAY. WE JUST FINISHED MIDTERMS. Let us rage. If you want quiet, move your ass down to south of Wilshire. #WhyYouGottaBeSoRude

20 minutes later, I was asleep in my own bed with a good memory and a bruise on my knee all before 2am.

*No Real Names were used.

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