Photo by Zoë Collins (she/her)
Accompanied by Seethers’ Careless Whisper – Listen Now
i want to meet you in a different universe.
i’m not sure if i’m ready to meet you in this one. i’m not sure if i will ever be “ready”— ready to see you cry, ready to drop your hand, ready to struggle and to see you struggle beside me, ready to fight for the rest of our lives for what should be given, what should be protected; ready for our love to be debated, scorned, judged for its unholy nature. i’m not sure if i will ever be ready for that unending battle, which will follow us to our grave and up towards the stars, its legacy that of pain and of perseverance.
i want to hold you in a different world.
i know i will be afraid to in this one. i know the first time our shoulders brush i will flinch away; the first time our eyes meet i will cast mine down, the first kiss we share, tears will be shed with it because i will know it is you. i will recognize your soul, and i will see the damage already done, and i will know that i am going to have to watch you suffer more until we are both nothing but scar tissue. i may be able to withstand the hurt, but i may not have the strength to watch you feel the same.
i want to adore you in a different reality.
one where i can give you what i know you deserve and speak to you with the words of someone who still has hope left to soothe your aching wounds, one where there is kindness to displace the hate and peace to fill its vacancy so that life, now to us a violent crashing wave, will become soothing ripples in a pond. one where roses are thornless and people are harmless, so we won’t have to worry about pricking ourselves in the bushes or defending ourselves in the streets; so that you, so that we, may rest in the tranquility we deserve.
i want to find you in a different life.
if such a thing exists, i would only want it to so that i could find you again, so that we could have a second chance in a second world where our love may thrive instead of wilt in these desolate conditions. you say you believe not in life but lives after death, and maybe i will hold onto that image of our souls passing through the cosmos to somewhere above, flickering, seeking one another until we are united once again a million different times in a million different forms in a million different worlds better than this one.
i want to be with you.
but not here.
because darling i love you,
but this universe does not love us.