Graphic by Christopher Ikonomou (Xe/He)
We asked our staff members for their experiences with and opinions on Valentine’s Day. Here’s what they had to share!
“I’m actually experiencing my first Valentine’s this year with my girlfriend, and even though the day itself isn’t so special, having someone to mutually adore is amazing. High school me definitely didn’t think this would ever be me :))”
– OutWrite Staff (she/her) | queer
“Every year Valentine’s Day comes and goes and it makes me feel like a voyeur to a heterosexual world. Though not for lack of trying, I have yet to experience it romantically, which makes me feel like I never will. Spending Valentine’s Day alone offers the chance to give into nihilism or stay buried in the sweet embrace of optimism (for lack of a better embrace).”
– OutWrite Staff (he/him) | gay
“Once in high school, my girlfriend who lived in the city over cut class and came over to my school to spend lunch with me. She really said ‘be gay do crime (romantic).'”
– Illustrator at OutWrite (she/her) | bisexual
“Valentine’s Day is one of those times when amatonormativity tightens its stranglehold on our culture. The idea that you not only should be in a relationship but need to show up in a grand flourish to ‘prove’ your love is something I don’t think I’ll ever subscribe to. Today, I remind myself that the pursuit of romantic love (or failure to do so) does not define my humanity.”
– Managing Editor at OutWrite (xe/he) | aromantic, transgender
“Valentine’s Day has always been difficult for me because I’ve always felt alone and unloved. Being a queer person, it can definitely be a challenge to openly express your love and truly feel like you are worthy of the same love and happiness as straight, cisgender people. I have struggled with loving myself unapologetically, which makes it even harder to love others. Nevertheless, it is important to understand that love comes in many forms: platonic love, familial love, pet love, etc! We are all deserving of love, but sometimes we look for love in all the wrong places. Love can be expressed in countless ways, so remember to let love in on Valentine’s Day and everyday… wherever it may come from <3”
– Writer at OutWrite (she/her) | lesbian, queer
“Valentine’s Day is WLW friends complaining about not having a valentine in between sending each other love songs that “just reminded me of you!” and calling each other beloved, my love, light of my life, etc etc. They’re totally just being friendly though, right?”
– OutWrite Staff (they/he/she) | lesbian
“I do believe that Valentine’s Day is a super commercialized, capitalistic pursuit, but I also really enjoy participating in something cheesy and romantic when we, as queer people, do not often get to experience that particular type of expression of love. By being queer, our love is inherently radical – its very existence spits in the face of every heteronormative idea that is pushed in our society. Obviously, I think that is a wonderful, brave thing about us, but sometimes the ache to fit in, to have our stories represented in ways that aren’t just about our trauma and resilience, is strong. Valentine’s Day, Hallmark movies, romance paperbacks – they’re all cheesy and frankly, a little cringey (not a word I use liberally), but it warms my heart to see queer rep in them anyways.”
– Copy Editor at OutWrite (they/them) | nonbinary lesbian
“7th grade Valentine’s Day – I received a rose with a note saying “I think your pretty,” and later that day a boy I was friends with asked me out. I panicked and said yes, then ran away so that I wouldn’t have to hold hands with him. If you’re out there, William from band class – sorry! Nothing was wrong with you, I’m just gay af :’)”
– Illustrator at OutWrite (she/her) | lesbian